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Wednesday, October 27th, 2010
11:07 pm - Writer's Block: Love stinks
Which song would you pick to describe your romantic life, and why?

currently I'd say for crying out loud by meatloaf cos things have been really good the last 11 months.
usually I would have said battlefeild cos it what it used to feel like lol

(Angel Crying)

11:05 pm - Writer's Block: Do you remember?
What is your earliest memory?

my dad not turning up for christmas after I sat at the window waiting all day for him

(Angel Crying)

11:04 pm - Writer's Block: Boldly going
Which fictional world would you choose to visit, and why?

the world of Tel'aran'rhiod because its a reflection of the real world that you can have control over

(Angel Crying)

Friday, September 10th, 2010
12:42 pm - this week
this week has been utterly horrible for me. 
on saturday I find out about an arguement between sean and dex, and until monday sean would only tell me that he couldn't talk about it because they had all made a pact never to talk about friday night. 
when I finally got sean to talk about the arguement he denyed everything dex had said, and tried making dex out to be the bad guy for even mentioning it in the first place. 
it was bad enough for me having to decide whether it was my friend or my boyfriend lying to be about something as trivial as what was said between them. 
then on tuesday tommi called to tell me to login to his emails.  at 2 o'clock I was reading an email implying that dex had cheated on me on friday night.  all I remember is going totally cold and numb, my head and chest feeling tight, my vision going black and my breathing turning shallow.  I made it through the opticians appointment I had with the second email burning a hole in my pocket.  by 2.30 I was on the bus to anths in tears on the phone to liam, who I was trying to keep out of it by saying I'd heard about the strip club from the management, especially as sean had implicated both liam and craig in the emails to tommi.  
Sean rang me from the office on my way to anths (after I updated my facebook status) but I couldn't talk to him.  luckily anth was able to calm me down by calling the management and assuring me that there was no possible way for any of them to have slept with the strippers. 
I emailed dex asking for answers and wouldn't answer the phone until he replied, which was totally unfair of me to do as he was at work.  then amanda and craig heard about the emails and what sean had said.  I reassured amanda that there was no way her husband could have done this to her, and had to reassure craig that his wife did not beleive he had cheated on her. 
Dex finally gave me the answers I wanted when I was in the bath, and sean rang me soon after (9 o'clock) to apologise and say that he still needed to tell me something, and that from everyone's facebook status updates he was worried in case I had seen the emails he sent tommi, and to tell me that he had emailed tommi a retraction of everything he had said in saturday morning.

After talking to everyone else involved, and everyone else who knows of the situation between me and sean, we began to see a bit of sense.
Sean suggested the strip club, he took photo's of the stamp on his hand and of himself in the strip club.  He emailed tommi the second he got in the house (4.19).  He emailed tommi again after sleeping on it (8.19) saying that he couldn't prove what the guys had done in the private booths for 30 mins each, or why they left with triple figure bills.  He knew fine well that those emails would end up in my hands.  He knew I'm paranoid enough to buy into what he had implied.  He was expecting me to call him up (like I usually would when I have relationship problems) and use him as a shoulder to cry on.  He had no care about who he took down with him.  If I had haad a call on saturday morning telling me to check those emails, then the whole wedding could have been called off, my relationship could have been ruined as I wouldn't have had anth to calm me down, and a family could have been torn apart.  and why?  because he wanted to break me and dex up to get me to himself.
we all spoke to him about it yesterday and his only defence was that he had a moment where he wasn't thinking straight, and that after he had considered everything he did email the retraction.  the problem with that defence is that he only emailed that to tommi once he realised we all knew about the first 2 emails, and it was solely to cover his back.
what I will say is that I will keep this line of communication open for the next week, as sean implied he had some questions of his own and he never asked any.  while I am utterly disgusted with this turn of events and the possible outcomes of his actions, I do owe him answers to any questions he has for me, if he wants them.

current mood: pissed off

(Angel Crying)

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
1:03 am - Writer's Block: Love is timeless
What is your opinion of relationships where there is a significant age difference between partners?

there's no reason it should make any difference as long as they are both adults

(Angel Crying)

1:02 am - Writer's Block: Redo
If there was something you could change about your past, what would it be?

I'd have Mam move into North Shields but have her give things a go with Tim instead of Tony.  Hopefully if things had worked between Mam and Tim then a lot of things would have been different.

(Angel Crying)

1:00 am - Writer's Block: In search of lost time
What is your fondest childhood memory? How often does it come to mind?

camping with mam and tony in avimoore when I was 11.  any time I want to go on holiday or think about happy families

(Angel Crying)

12:56 am - Writer's Block: The table has turned
The answer is: Because it was interfering with my love life. What's the question?

Why did you get a lock for your bedroom door? lol

(Angel Crying)

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
12:43 pm - Writer's Block: Knowledge is power
What subject you like to become more knowledgeable about, and why?

how the human mind works because it can be used to help people, protect and defend yourself

(Angel Crying)

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010
2:28 pm - Writer's Block: Who wants to live forever?
Would you want to live forever? Does your answer change depending on whether or not everyone else gets to live forever as well?

yes I would provided it came with good health and staying young, because I don't think I'd enjoy aging and just never dying.  It would be great if my friends got to live forever too, but I think if it was just me then I'd enjoy meeting new people all the time, but it would totally suck cos I'd never be able to build a lasting relationship.  Yeah, would only want it if it came with good health, young age, my close friends and my partner

(Angel Crying)

2:25 pm - Writer's Block: It's allergies ... really!
What was the last thing that made you cry?

I'm gonna guess stress, I always cry more when I'm stressed than when I'm upset.  I honestly can't remember when it was, I think it was around my birthday when I was planning the 3 peaks and I had a lot to deal with anyway

(Angel Crying)

2:23 pm - Writer's Block: Help, I need somebody!
Do you think you would you risk your life to save a stranger? Would it make a difference if it were an elderly person or a child? What about a neighbor's dog or cat?

depending on the situation, if it was a situation where we would both probably survive then yes, but if me going to help would just cause someone else the bother of having to save 2 people then no.  age doesn't make a difference, and yeah I'd happily do it for a pet too

(Angel Crying)

Thursday, August 19th, 2010
12:02 pm - Writer's Block: Me, myself, and I
Which one word would you use to describe yourself, and why?

sam.  it's my name, what everyone calls me, and I don't fit into just one thing apart from that

(1 Angel's Tear | Angel Crying)

12:01 pm - Writer's Block: Living the dream
What is your ultimate dream job? Do you think you'll ever live the dream?

not sure how much of a dream job it is, but I want to be a counsellor and I'm working towards it, so hopefully it'll work out

(Angel Crying)

11:59 am - Writer's Block: Take me out
Have you ever gotten involved with a co-worker or classmate? How did it work out?

yes to both, both on 2 occasions.  me and daniel stayed friends, so did me and david.  Adam and me lasted 4 years but it didn't work out and he's getting married next friday, and the other co-worker is a very complex story, easiest just to say we still care a lot about each other and we're friendly

(Angel Crying)

11:56 am - Writer's Block: Comfortably numb
Where is your favorite place to relax?

north shields to whitley bay coastline, saltwell park, or anywhere I can go climb a hill or something and just get the hell away from everyone and everything

(Angel Crying)

Saturday, August 7th, 2010
7:16 pm - Writer's Block: Take a (second) chance on me
Have you ever given a friend or partner a second chance? What were the consequences? Any regrets?

yes on both accounts, and I haven't regretted giving friends second chances.  partners, well it didn't work out so well.

(Angel Crying)

Friday, August 6th, 2010
1:00 pm - Writer's Block: Walkin' the line
Do you prefer being the good cop or the bad cop?

bad cop ;)

(Angel Crying)

12:59 pm - Writer's Block: I'll meet you down at the big yellow joint
Why isn't marijuana legal when tobacco is?

because marijuana has more serious side effects on the mind and can be more addictive than nicotine

(Angel Crying)

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
11:49 pm - Just another day
Yay, discovered another trigger today. Bloody brilliant. Scared the Shit outta jenny by screaming at that guy then having panic attack instead of smacking him, luckily he left before dex came to get us. Thank god I have counselling tomorrow morning, dex showed up and I spent the rest of the day calming him down, panic starting to hit me again now. Typical. Good to know that despite thinking of 5 different ways to get that guy away from me I can be rendered totally defenceless still. So glad to be in my own bed, just wish I had dex here to cuddle.

current mood: sad

(Angel Crying)

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